And So It Begins...

I can't believe 2012 is almost over! It has gone by wayyyy too fast! As usual, my family has been blessed beyond belief this year! Today, as I begin to write this blog entry, I can't help but think of all the things I have to be so very thankful for; however, I still feel like a piece of my heart is missing. The only other time my heart felt like this is before Adam and I started dating. I felt I was longing for something I hadn't found yet. That is, until Adam and I started dating and I then filled that missing piece. Now, as we begin the journey to start our family, my heart aches to find that last missing piece, a child. 
At the beginning of the year, I began to follow a sweet friend's struggle with having a baby. It was an eye opener for Adam and me. We knew my body acted...for lack of a better word, wacky all the time. Deep down, I think I knew I had something "wrong" with me. Until I read Whitney and Duane's blog, I wasn't sure what it was. As Whitney listed the symptoms, one by one, I began to check them off. I had all the symptoms! 
Adam encouraged pestered me month after month to go to the doctor until finally, in November, I gave in. It was confirmed that indeed, I do have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). It's not a fatal disease or anything life threatening, just frustrating to say the least. Dr. Williams (the best fertility doctor in North Mississippi) put me on Metformin, which is a diabetes medicine sometimes used for lowering insulin and blood sugar levels in women with PCOS. It also helps regulate menstrual cycles, start ovulation, and reduce the risk of miscarriage. Trust me, it comes with it's own lovely horrible side effects, but if it helps us eventually have a baby, then I can tolerate it. 
In the weeks since getting a diagnosis of PCOS, I have gone through several different emotions. At first, I was freakishly positive about the situation. Deep down, I knew God had control...duh! As time went on, however, I began to become sad. Each time I pulled Facebook up on my phone, I saw another friend announcing their pregnancy or another mother posting pictures of their beautiful child. Yeah, yeah I know I rained on a lot of parades, but I wasn't listening to God. 
Thankfully, my sweet, wonderful, Godly husband pulled me back down to reality and made me see that God has complete control of our lives and I wasn't letting Him show me the way. Daily, I read and reread Psalm 27:14, "Wait for the LORD. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the LORD." 
So, no baby yet, but that's okay. As we know, it's all in God's timing because you see, I am not waiting on a baby; I am waiting upon the Lord.